I cannot find my penis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
