If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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