You can't special order awesome
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
