She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
