I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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