My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
