My cat gives me a boner
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
