I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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