I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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