bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Someone signed my nipple.
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