i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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