Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
