I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
