I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
