i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
