Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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