I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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