yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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