I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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