remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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