I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
