I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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