Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
