im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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