So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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