Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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