I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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