Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
