I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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