She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
