So drunk its hurt
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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