brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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