Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
