He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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