Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i've created a new STD.
BRING THE BAGELS
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