Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
