He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
