ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
