I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
