He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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