I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
