Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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