And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
