Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
