Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
