apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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