so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
