I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
