dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
