why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
