I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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