At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
