not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
