i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
