Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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