ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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