I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
