how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
