I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
