She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
