you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
