Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize