In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
