dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
