Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
