O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
