then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
