the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
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I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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