My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
