i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
