Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
