Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
