Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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