you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i think i have two assholes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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